Dating website looks to unite Muslims and Christians through love

By Lynette Suazo

Back in August, Ayesha Abel built a dating website called Muslim 4 Christian Dating, hoping to connect both religious groups through love.  Abel, who currently goes by her Muslim name, has practiced both Christianity and Islam but currently doesn't practice either.  Born in England, Abel was raised as a Christian but as she began to date, she said she attracted Muslim men and began to learn more about the culture and eventually practiced it.

"Throughout my life, I have mostly dated Muslim men," Abel said.  "People think it is taboo, but Christians and Muslims have been dating for a long time."    

Abel was married to a Muslim man from Pakistan for 14 years and began to practice the Muslim religion. She began to cover herself as Muslim women traditionally do, but said she was never forced by her husband or his family to practice Islam.  She also said the family was very accepting of the fact that she was not a Muslim at the time she got married.   

In an email reply, Khalid Nasr, Imam at the Islamic Center of New England, explained that, according to Surah 5:5 in the Quran, Muslim men can marry Christian or Jewish women but Muslim women cannot marry Christian or Jewish men.  Nasr also stated that a Muslim man can only marry a Christian or Jewish woman under two conditions: the woman is truly a practicing Christian or Jewish woman or the woman did not rebel against Islam to become Christian or Jewish. Under these circumstances, Abel's marriage was considered valid in the Islamic community.

Hend Eid, wife of Imam Talal Eid at the Islamic Institute of Boston, said that Muslim women cannot marry Christian or Jewish men because it is their job to preserve the children and instill the Muslim religion in them.  But her husband said this is not the only reason.  Mr. Eid said that a Muslim woman may be uncomfortable in her marriage if she marries someone outside of her religion. 

Saleem Akbari, a Muslim man currently married to an atheist, said that his marriage is shunned because his wife doesn't believe in any religion. 

"My sister got married before I did to a Jewish man, and my family got very upset and disowned her.  Five years later I got married to my atheist wife and it was like my sister and I had switched places," said Akbari. "She was reaccepted into the family because at the very least she was married to a believer."

Akbari, raised in what he describes as a "traditionally strict Muslim home," said that after being married he sees why the Quran would only allow you to marry "people of the book."

"I have not been married very long and my wife is failing to understand my need to pray as much as I do.  She likes to try and interrupt me a lot while I pray or tempt me during Ramadan.  She simply does not understand," said Akbari. "If I would have listened to my family, I would not be going through these marital issues."

As a way to "escape from the pressures of marriage," Akbari admitted to having a profile on Abel's website, under a false name, which he said he has used to "perhaps meet a nice Muslim girl" to replace his wife. 

Akbari is one of over 21,000 members on Abel's website.  Abel said that she has seen a "Muslim man on the site looking for his second wife" before and explained that everyone on the site is looking for something different. 

"Some people who are Christian do look for Christians or Muslims do look for Muslims but it is not uncommon for people to go on the site and want to cross religions," Abel said. 

But Mrs. Eid feels the website is not a good approach to dating or looking for a potential spouse. 

"I don't think a website is a good thing, especially for Muslim girls.  I would not want my daughter or son to meet someone online like that," said Mrs. Eid.  "People shouldn't meet that way online.  They are supposed to meet the family and eat with the family as Americans do."

Her husband, on the other hand had a different take on the site. 

"I don't have a problem with a Muslim or Christian dating site.  Some Muslim women marry whom they like.  I want them to look online so they can compare what they see on the site from what they learn from Islam. It is a good way for them to learn different opinions," said Mr. Eid. 

Mr. Eid said that "the concept of religion is to guide people with life," and he acknowledged that "not everyone is convinced with the guide that is provided to them."  He said that not all Muslims follow Islam and his job as a Muslim leader is not to control people's lives and force them to do so. 

Currently divorced from her husband in Pakistan, Abel is now engaged to a Muslim man in Turkey, whom she met on the site. 

"I wouldn't judge failure of marriage to culture differences. So many marriages fail," Abel said. "But that is what is so good about this site," she said, adding, "You don't have to marry who you meet.  There is nothing wrong with being pen pals or just getting to know someone new.  It just happened to work out that way for me."

Akbari noted that as a member of the site, he has not met anyone with whom he is willing to be serious.  He also said he is trying to convert his wife to Islam and "if that doesn't work, the marriage will more than likely be over."  

"I don't think marrying a Christian or Jewish woman will help either.  I think marriage with someone who understands you and your religion is best.  I love my atheist wife but what good is that when we don't have understanding?" said Akbari. "I do not think I am cheating on my wife through the website because there is not physical connection, but if I find something better I will go for it." 

At some point, Abel hopes to connect her audience in a way similar to E-Harmony, where compatibility is calculated through a detailed questionnaire.  Abel wants her website to continue to cater to people of   Muslim and Christian faiths, regardless of their differences, because she feels the two have common values and morals, "like loving and caring for your neighbor," that can make the two very compatible.